A blonde calls

• A blonde calls a mechanic 2 fix her car, he gets it goin in 2 minutes.
What was the prob?
Just shit in the air filter
How often do I hv to do that?
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• Bhatti falls in luv with a nurse… After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”
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• Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!
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• A history teacher & his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. ‘Anything new at work?’
He replied, ‘No, I’m teaching History.’
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• Two old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over & whispered: My butt is going to sleep. ‘I know,’ replied the other, ‘I heard it snore three times.
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• Q: What’s the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.
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• A guy took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On his very first call, he introduced myself, “Hello, this is a telephone poll.”
A man on the other end replied, “Yeah, and this is a street light!”
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• Bhatti enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
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• Boss: I’ll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I’ll raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start?
Bhatti: In 3 months.
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• A girl proposed to Bhatti and he denied simply saying that in our family, we marry only our relatives. My mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi , my uncle married my aunt and so on. So please excuse me !!!!!
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• I took my secretary to lunch the other day, and I discovered she was not the old fashioned type. After two old fashions she couldn’t type.
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• Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,”
And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning.”
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• There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
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• An army sergeant told Bhatti to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned.
“I thought I told you to go to the end of the line,” barked the sergeant. “Why did you come back?”
“Because there’s already somebody there!”
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• A priest was praying for guidance: Oh God, grant me this knowledge: what is the meaning of life?
For a while, Creation was silent. Then a booming voice, sounding severely pissed-off, shouts from heaven: Read the F*#kin FAQ!
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• A man is in the hospital after getting drunk and swallowing 120 coins on a bet. Doctors monitoring his situation say, so far, no change.
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• Bhatti tripped on a broken curb and went to the hospital.
After examining him, the doctor said, “I have some good news, and some bad news for you. First of all, you’ll never be able to work again.”
Bhatti replied, “Okay, now what’s the bad news?”
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• An application for job came in with an applicant’s picture attached. She was a pretty blonde. On the back of the picture was hand written: “Picture on front”.
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• What’s the difference between me and a Viking?” Olli asked.
“No idea, said Ville.”
“When the Vikings used to come home after their wars, that’s when the real drinking began. But when I come home after a few drinks, that’s when the real war begins.”
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• Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
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• As an inspirational measure, a boss placed a sign in the restroom directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: THINK
The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at his sign, and right next to it, above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign, which read: THOAP!
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• At weddings old aunts used 2 tease me saying: You are next, you are next.
But they stopped it since I started doing the same to them at funerals!
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• Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over and whispered, “My butt is going to sleep.”
“I know,” replied her companion, “I heard it snore three times.”
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• Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW !
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• People who do lots of work…make lots of mistakes,
People who do less work…make less mistakes,
People who do no work…make no mistakes,
People who make no mistakes…get promoted.
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• May you die in bed at the age of 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
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• Father talking to his son: Son, you should never lie. One lie begets another lie, then another lie, and before you know it, you’re a lawyer.
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• Pappu: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Jeeto: Well, you have done the right thing.
Pappu: But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.
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• Woman sends knickers to the launderette but they still come back stained. Next time she sends a note: Use more soap on clothes.
Laundry man sends back a note: Use more paper on your arse.
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• Mom: Where r u off to now?
Son: I`m gonna join the army.
Mom: But, legally u r only an infant.
Son: That`s all right, I`m going to join the infantry.
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• Customer: Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter: I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller.
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• The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a familiar face at the bar.
“Honey,” she said as she pointed the guy out, “That guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”
Her husband said, “That’s silly, no one celebrates that much!”
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• In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their ass was too fat, 15 percent said their ass was too thin and the other five per cent said they didn’t care – they would have married him anyway.
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• I’ve invented a fly spray that doesn’t kill flies; it makes them so sexually active, you can swat two at a time.
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• Bumper Sticker: Not so close! I’m still making payments.
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• Your daddy must be a terrorist because you’re a BOMB!
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• Bhatti in an antique shop, “Do you have anything new?”
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• Two taxicab drivers met.
“Hey,” asked one, “what’s the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?”
“Well,” the other responded, “when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”
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• Husband: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
Wife: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
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• An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. “I’m glad to see you.” he said. “I’ve been lost for three days.”
“Don’t get too excited friend.” the other hunter replied. “I’ve been lost for three weeks.”
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• The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby.
“When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn’t lose any of them.”
“Now,” she added, looking around at her brood of nine, “I dress them alike so we won’t pick up any that don’t belong to us.”
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• Q: What’s the difference between good & bad gals?
A: Good gals loosen a few buttons when it’s hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!
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