A rabbi took a job

• A rabbi took a job at a Duracell factory. His job is to stand on the production line and as the batteries go by, say, “I wish you long life”.
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• Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.
Yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause.
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• Q: How do you recognize a Bhatti’s son in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
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• Butt was visiting Bhatti, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. Bhatti responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Butt: Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?
“HELLOOOOOO,” answered Bhatti. “They’re watch dogs!”
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• A teacher asked Pappu: What’s the capital of United States?
Pappu: Washington DC.
When asked what “DC” stood for, Pappu added, “Dot com!”
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• Q: Did you hear about the blonde who was tap dancing?
A: She broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
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• Bhatti: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?
Butt: Me too, after you leave.
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• Sign in a pathology: It might be piss and shit for u, but for us it is bread and butter.
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• Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
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• Heght of optimism:
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!
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• Said to a railroad engineer: What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
Rilroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?
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• A girl came back home from the school and asked her grandmother, “Granny, what is a lover?”
“A lover?” the grandmother said. “Let me think. Lov…. Lover…. Oh, my God!”
She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a hidden closet door. She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young man fell out from the closet.
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• A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say “Uh-huh” or “Yes dear” or “I’m sorry” ?
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• Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A: Knock on the door.
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• Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that’s where you get your shitty ideas from!
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• The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?
No, your honor,” replied Butt, “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defendin’. I’m the person who done it.
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• Jeeto: I didn’t know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early & found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.
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• Doctor: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
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• Q: Why do men fart more often than women?
A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.
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• Q: Why was Bhatti writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
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• Bhatti’s inventions:
1. Waterproof towel
2. Solar powered torch
3. Book on how to read
4. Pedal powered wheel chair.
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• A politician’s most important ability is to foretell what will happen tomorrow and next month and next year – and to explain afterwards why it didn’t happen.
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• There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment:
What happened to this one?
I don’t know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.
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• “Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.
“Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law” replied Jim.
“I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face schratched all over?”
“It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
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• “Will the father be present during the birth?” asked the obstetrician.
“Nah,” replied the mother-to-be. “He and my husband don’t get along.”
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