Banta and his wife

• Banta and his wife went for a honeymoon trip. After enjoying the honeymoon for a week Mrs Banta says, “Dear, lets go back.
Banta, “Why Dear ?”
Wife: Seven days make a whole week (hole weak)
 
• Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many men still sleep with their wives !!!
 
• A person doing self SWOT analysis:
Strength is my wife; weakness is my neighbour’s wife; opportunity is when my neighbour is on tour; threat is when I am on tour
 
• Similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter – one screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart
 
• Q: What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant ?
A: Her legs!!!
 
• The Doctor because he says; “Take your clothes off”
The Dentist because he says; “Open wide”
The Milkman because he says; “Do you want it in the front or the back”
The Hairdresser because he says; “Do you want it teased or blown”
The Interior Decorator because he says; “Once it’s in, you’ll love it”
The Banker because he says; “If you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest”
 
• There were 3 naked blokes in a bath, and a policeman comes along and says “Whats going on here?”
First guy,”I’m blowing bubbles”, and he dips his head back under the water.
Second guy, “I’m blowing bubbles too” and submerges his head like the other guy.
Policeman turns to the third bloke who says “Hi, I’m Bubbles”
 
• Q: Did you hear about the air conditioned whore house?
A: It had the blowers on the second floor
 
• Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony ?
A: Its not hard
 
• Q: Did you hear about the two gay judges ?
A: They tried each other
 
• Q: What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common ?
A: They’ve both swallowed a lot of semen
 
• Q: What’s the difference between oral sex & anal sex ?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
 
• Q: What does a tornado and a wife have in common?
A: They make a lot of noise when they are cuming and take the house with em when they go.
 
• A judge who had never driven a car in his life was asked, “How can you rule on motor accidents without first-hand knowledge of driving?”
He lisped, “It’s really no handicap…I also try rape cases.”
 
• Mrs. Santa was tucking her small son under the bed covers.
He asked, “Will Daddy take me along on his next swimming trip?”
She laughed, “He didn’t go swimming,dear. He’s gone fishing.”
The kid confided, ” He plans to swim, too. I saw him pack a box of those little bitty balloons men put on their things so they won’t get wet.”
 
• An old woman was about to place a jar of honey on the breakfast table.
“You know,” she said, “my honey was awfully stiff this morning. ”
Her old man, already at the table answered, “Are you talking about ME ? I didn’t even know it!”
 
• “I’d like to ask for your daughter’s hand, Sir”, pleaded the anxious young Santa. “She keeps holding it over the part I really want.”
 
• Banta phoned his Doctor and frantically screamed. ‘I swallowed a live bullet! What shall I do ?
Doc replied, ‘Drink lots of bean soup and stand in front of your mother-in-law…’
 
• Punjabi dudes take their damsels young. They figure if she’s old enough to bleed, it’s Time to butcher
 
• Heaven is when you have beautiful girls and barrels of beer. Hell is when you discover that the barrels have holes and the girls don’t
 
• The lightsest thing in the world is ‘Dick’, a mere thought of sex raises it. And the heaviest thing is also ‘Dick’, because after having an orgasm, even a lift cannot raise it
 
• Q: What’s the differene between a man and a woman ?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need and a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need
 
• According to research, the life of a smoker decreases by 5 minutes everytime he burns a cigarette. And every fuck increases man’s life by 8 minutes. That implies that fucking smokers live forever
 
• A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it’s answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other.
The salesman asks the boy, “Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?”
To which the boy replies, “Does it fucking look like it?”
 
• A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor says, “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
She says, “Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!”
 
• A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?”
“1956,” was his reply.
“No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!”
“I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, “It’s only 2014 now.”
 
• Q: What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
A:They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!
 
• Q: Whats the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: prostitute will stop screwin’ you once your dead!
 
• Q: What is the similarity between men and mice?
A: The pussy gets both of them in the end.
 
• Q: What is the difference between panties of 70s and panties of 90s?
A: The panties of 70s had to be separated to see the bums, and in 90s, the bums had to be separated to see the panties.
 
• What is the difference between a condom and a coffin?
Both are for stiffs except one is for coming and the other for going.
 
• Monica went up to the pharmacist and stated, “I need to buy condoms.”
The pharmacist looked up and asked, “Shall I put it on your bill?”
“No, thanks,” Monica responded. “I prefer to put them on him myself.”
 
• Q: How are blondes and turtles alike?
A: When they’re on their backs they’re both screwed

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