Bhatti and Butt

 
• Bhatti and Butt are waiting at a bus stop, when a bus pulls up and opens the door.
Butt leans inside and asks the driver, “Will this bus take me to Chandigarh?”
The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m Sorry.”
At this Bhatti leans inside, smiles and twitters, “Will it take ME?”
 
• The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”
Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”
 
• By the time Bhatti arrived at the football game, the first half was almost over.
“Why are you so late?” Butt asked.
“I had to toss a coin to decide between going to Gurudwara and coming to the game.”
“How long could that have taken you?”
“Well, I had to toss it 14 times.”
 
• Q: What are the signs of iron deficiency?
A: Crumpled clothes
 
• Bhatti and Jeeto are lying in bed. Bhatti says: “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world”
Jeeto says: “I’ll really miss you”
 
• “Darling,” said Butt to his new bride, Preeto, “Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my small income?”
“Of course, dearest, no trouble,” she replied. “But what will you live on?”
 
• A visitor to Australia has a car accident and is taken to hospital unconscious. The next day he comes to and asks “Did I come here to die?”
A doctor replies “Naw mate, ya came here yesterday”
 
• Bhatti and Butt bought a truckload of watermelons, paying one rupee a piece for them. Then they drove to the market and sold all their melons for the SAME price they’d paid for them.
After counting their money at the end of the day, they realize they ended up with no more money than they started with.
“See!” said Bhatti. “I told you we should have got a bigger truck”
 
• Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and a good cook…..
But the law allows only one wife
 
• Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a comma has its pause at the end of a clause
 
• The editor of a small country newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline: “HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS”‘.
Many local Politicians were outraged and exerted tremendous pressure on him to print a retraction. He finally gave in to the pressure and ran his apology with the headline:
“HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS”
 
• Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong
 
• Judge: You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your fourth-story window.
Butt: I did it without thinking, your Honor.
Judge: Thats no excuse! Don’t you see how dangerous it might have been for anyone passing by at the time?
 
• Bhatti goes over to Butt’s house all bruised and his clothes torn.
Butt says, “Man, where have you been?”
“I just got back from burying my mother-in-law”
Butt: “How did you get all bruised and your clothes torn from burying your mother-in-law?”
“She wouldn’t lie still”
 
• A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. “All right children, let’s take another example,” she said. “If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?”
Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, “you’d be his wife”
 
• Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, “I wish you’d come to me sooner”
 
• Q: Do you know why the U.S. troops can’t find Osama Bin Laden?
A: He walked into a shoe store last month, bought some Odour-Eaters, and hasn’t been seen since
 
• Q: How does Bhatti kill a fish?
A: He drowns it
 
• Q: How did Bhatti try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff
 
• Q: Why’d the blonde bury her driver’s license?
A: Because it had expired
 
• A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“Hunting Flies” he responded.
“Oh, killing any?” she asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”
 
• A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age.
The husband responded “When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision.”

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