• Bhatti stepped on one of those penny scales that tells fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
“Listen to this,” he said to Jeeto, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover.”
“Yeah,” Jeeto nodded, “and it has your weight wrong, too.”
• Jeeto complained to Preeto, “Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her.”
“Well,” replied Preeto in a hurt tone, “I told her not to tell you I told her.”
“Oh dear!” sighed Jeeto. “Well, don’t tell her I told you that she told me.”
• An English professor wrote the words “woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.
The male students wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The female students wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
• Preeto: There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor. Butt: Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous. Preeto: I tell you the car has water in the carburetor. Butt: You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car? Preeto: In the pool.
• Three insane men walk out of a mental hospital hoping to escape.
The first says, “If there’s a high fence, we’ll dig under it!”
The second says, “If there’s a low fence, we’ll jump over it!”
The third says, “Well, we’re out of luck, boys, there is no fence,”
So instead they just went back to their rooms.
• Bhatti: “During my operation, Nurse, I heard the surgeon use a four-letter word that upset me very much.”
Nurse: “What word was that?”
• Late one night at the insane asylum Butt shouted, “I am Napoleon!”
Another one said, “How do you know?”
Butt said, “God told me!”
Just then, Bhatti from another room shouted, “I did NOT!!!”
• A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27
She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him that the room is empty
“Good,” says the man. “That means I must have really escaped.”
• Pakistan’s worst air disaster occurred today when a small 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery this morning. Pakistan search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that the number will climb as the digging continues into the night
• Jeeto: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
Bhatti: It’s not my fault…I ran out of money
• Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now
• Auctioneer suddenly announced, “A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000.”
After a moment’s silence from the back of the room came the cry, “Two thousand five hundred!”
• Bhatti: You know, Jeeto, our son got his brain from me.
Jeeto: I think he did, I’ve still got mine with me
• Teacher: Sonu, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Sonu: No, teacher, it’s the same dog
• Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it
• Teacher: Now, Sonu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sonu : No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook
• Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked
• Q: A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A: A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter”
• Bhatti, “Doctor, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail”.
The vet stepped back, “Bhatti, why should I do such a terrible thing?
“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”
• Q: Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
• Q: What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?
A: At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out