Each day is a drive through history

• Each day is a drive through history.
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• Early to bed, early to rise, your girl goes out with other guys.
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• Doing nothing is the hardest work of all. No breaks, no days off.
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• My wife found a way to save her money: she spends mine.
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• My wife divorced me because of illness. She got sick of me.
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• Don’t diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.
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• There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.
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• Every fool finds a greater one to admire them.
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• Many of us have excellent aim in life, but no ammunition.
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• A person forgives only when she is in the wrong.
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• A messy kitchen is the sign of a sexy woman.
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• Donate money. Support my fight against materialism.
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• Don’t quit until you find someone to blame.
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• Don’t be pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.
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• A husband is a man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.
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• Doctors wear gloves so they don’t leave fingerprints!
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• Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
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• Don’t lend people money, it gives them amnesia.
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• You’re not the only one who thinks I don’t know what I’m doing.
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• A married man can do anything he likes if his wife don’t mind.
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• A penny saved is bound to be taxed.
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• Most women are not as young as they are painted.
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• The suicidal part of me will never die.
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• May you live all the days of your life.
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• May we kiss those we please and please those we kiss.
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• Marriage: A way of being informed of all your faults.
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• Most of the love triangles today are turning into wrecktangles!
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• Money is great, but you waste alot of time making it.
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• Marriage: A banquet where dessert is served first.
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• Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
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• Freedom defined is freedom denied.
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• An engagement is a period of urge on the verge of a merge.
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• Men have an inborn talent for recognizing women from behind.
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• A friend is anyone who isn’t trying to sell you something.
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• Youth looks Ahead; Old age looks Back; and Middle age looks Tired
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• I can’t wait to learn patience.
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• May you never grow so old that farts aren’t funny anymore.
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• I’m too smart for egotism.
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• The funny thing about miracles is that they never happen the way you plan them.
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• A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.
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• It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.
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• Just because it pays well doesn’t mean it’s a good job.
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• The world is grouped into winners and whiners.
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• What we need are less needs.
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• The world is too crowded for cloning. What we need is technology for fusing.
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• A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
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• Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
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• Very few things upset my wife. It makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
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• Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least.
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• A man once claimed nothing was true; but he was lying.
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• Reputation is another kind of prison
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• It is important to stay cool, but be sure to not get frostbite.
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• A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.
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• A bore is a man who, when asked how he is, tells you.
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• I’ve got my own lie detector at home. I call her ‘honey’.
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• A joke never gains an enemy, but often loses a friend.
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• The fart is nature’s contribution to humor.
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• Smile, it’s our only defense against gravity.
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• A girl can be poor in history but great on dates!
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• Insomnia is a nightmare
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• History teaches us about the future.
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• A man’s a man all his life, a woman’s sexy until she’s your wife.
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• God speaks to us in hunches
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• A man should live forever, or die trying.
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• Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
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• Let’s just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
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• In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
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• Most men don’t know how to act around cleavage.
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• Insomnia is a nightmare.
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• Life is full of undocumented features!
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• Life is a math class: solve one problem, get another.
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• Exceptions always outnumber rules.
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• Some suffer from the memory of things that never happened.
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• Men should be able to pee on the street like the dogs they are.

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