Henpecked

• Henpecked: A sterile husband afraid to tell his pregnant wife.
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• They wouldn’t call it a crush if it didn’t hurt.
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• I’m going to start thinking positive, but I know it won’t work.
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• Kiss me twice I’m schizophrenic.
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• The Christmas spirit is not what you drink.
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• The trouble with being a good sport is that you have to lose to prove it.
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• Some people are in debt because they spend what their friends think they make.
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• My marriage is made of trust & understanding; She doesn’t trust me & I don’t understand her!
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• Being bored is an insult to yourself.
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• I can handle pain until it hurts.
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• My income seems to be the only thing I can’t live without or within.
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• It’s been a lifetime struggle for me to stop spending my lifetime struggling.
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• Sex is a killer…want to die happy?
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• Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker.
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• You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.
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• I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
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• 90% of being smart is knowing what you’re dumb at.
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• I disclaim my disclaimer!
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• Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.
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• Be God or let God.
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• Eternity is a terrible thought, where will it all end.
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• Crime is merely politics without the excuses.
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• Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen
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• I bet you I could stop gambling.
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• Love is photogenic, it needs darkness to develop.
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• Eternity is a terrible thought, where’ll it all end.
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• My son has taken up meditation, at least it’s better than sitting doing nothing.
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• I distinctly remember forgetting that.
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• We will continue having meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done.
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• Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future.
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• I’m an atheist! I swear to God I am!
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• Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
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• Don’t just learn the tricks of the trade. Learn the trade.
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• I used to think I could pass gas silently until I got my hearing aid.
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• If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.
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• Got kleptomania? Take something for it.
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• If you can’t read this, you’re illiterate!
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• Humor is to life what shock absorbers are to an automobile.
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• Anything worth doing is worth getting someone else to do.
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• God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins.
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• People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
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• My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
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• It’s been a business doing pleasure with you.
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• He who laughs, lasts.
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• Ur secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
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• If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.
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• Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease.
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• Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future
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• Crime does not pay as well as politics.
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• Ability is a gud thing but stability is even better.
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• Being popular is important, otherwise people might not like U.
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• The man who says he’s boss at home is lying, single or just plain stupid.
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• It’s not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
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• Know thyself — but don’t tell anyone.
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• You simply must stop taking other people’s advice.
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• Women aren’t that bad, but wives…!
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• Your lucky number is 6478389077163. Watch for it everywhere.
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• If I wanted to hear from an ass, I would fart.
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• Nobody ever goes there, it’s too crowded.
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• A good scare is worth more than good advice.
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• I’ve never had premonitions, but I think one day I might.
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• I’m a killer, I kill people for money, but you are my friend I KILL YOU FOR FREE !!
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• We do precision guesswork.
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• Automatic simply means that you can’t repair it yourself.
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• Have a nice day… somewhere else
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• Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
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• Most people like hard work. Particularly when they are paying for it.
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• Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.
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• Prejudice can save lots of time, because you can form an opinion without any facts.
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• No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.
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• Coffee, chocolate, men… some things are just better rich.
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• Some people think they are generous coz they give away free advice
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• The govt is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding govt.
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• Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
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• Political language is designed to make lies sound useful and murder respectable.
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• The trouble with being the boss is that there’s no satisfaction in stealing office supplies.
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• I just got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.
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• Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.
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• Almost every man wastes part of his life attempting to display qualities which he does not possess
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• If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
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• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
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• Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
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• Don’t lie, cheat or steal…unnecessarily.
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• To avoid duplication, make three copies.

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