Is this the fire department

 
• Jeeto, “Hello? Is this the fire department?”
“Yes.”
Jeeto, “Listen, my house is on fire! You’ve got to come right away! It’s terrible!”
“Okay, how do we get to your house?”
Jeeto, “Don’t have those big red trucks anymore?”
 
• American: In our country, marriage even takes place with email.
Bhatti: In India, it is only with female
 
• My old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next!”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
 
• A mobile is like a woman- talks non-stop, costs a fortune, disturbs when you are busy and when you need it urgently-there is no service!
 
• At age 4, success is . . . Not peeing your pants
At 12, success is . . . Having friends.
At 20, success is . . . Having sex.
At 35, success is . . . Making money
At 60, success is . . . Having sex.
At 70, success is . . . Having friends.
At 80, success is . . . Not peeing your pants
 
• “Well, how are you getting on with your dating of the banker’s daughter?”
“Not so bad. I’m getting some encouragement now.”
“Really, is she beginning to smile sweetly at you or something?”
“Not exactly, but last night she said that she’s said ‘no’ for the last time.”
 
• Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
One Student: “Because George still had the axe in his hand”
 
• Q: Why did Bhatti throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see a butterfly
 
• Butt was amazed to find Bhatti playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
“I can hardly believe my eyes!” Butt exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“Nah, he’s not so smart,” Bhatti replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five”
 
• Two men were discussing a new novel. Finally one of them, a writer, said, “You can’t really criticize this book since you’ve never written anything yourself.”
“So, what? Said the other, “I’ve never laid an egg either, but I can criticize an omelet better than a hen can”
 
• Q: Bhatti and Butt went to see 9-12 PM show. But they came back at 10 PM. Why?
A: Because the movie’s name was “Dastak” (Das-tak in Hindi means uptill 10 O’ clock)
 
• Museum administrator: That’s a 500 year old statue you’ve broken.
Bhatti: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!
 
• Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong
 
• A blonde walks into a library and says, “Can I have a burger and fries?”
The librarian says, “I’m sorry, this is a library.”
So the blonde whispers, “Can I have a burger and fries?”
 
• Butt is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, “Don’t move- I’ll be right back”
When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth.
She asked in amazement, “How did you get that in your mouth, you can’t even move?”
“I hiccupped”
 
• A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”
 
• From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
“Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain.
“I’ve no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts”
 
• “May I take your order?” the waiter asked.
“Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special sir,” he replied. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die”
 
• Q: What’s the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
A: The ones in the casinos are serious
 
• Q: What is difference between man and Superman?
A: Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser
 
• Sailor (reading from book of facts): “Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?” Butt: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash?”
 
• After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it”
 
• Son: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Son: Well, where did you get mummy then?
 
• A couple were sitting in the living room watching TV when the phone rang.
Husband picked it up, listened for a minute then screamed, “How the hell would I know? Call the weather bureau!”
Wife: “What was that all about?”
Husband replied, “Aw, it was just some dumb dork wanting to know if the coast was clear”
 
• Girl: Have you seen my identical twin sister anywhere?
Bhatti: No. How does she look like ??
 
• Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
He got a bird that not only delivers messages to their destination, but knocks on the door when it gets there
 
• Q: What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste
 
• An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman’s head.
“Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.”
“What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.”
 
• There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly.
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, “Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.”
The drunks replies,” I’m sorry I didn’t know it was her turn”
 
• One night a school boy came home rather depressed.
“What’s the matter, son? asked his father.
“Bad news, Dad” said the boy. “It’s my grades. They are all wet.”
“What do you mean by ‘all wet’?”
“Below C-level,” replied the son
 
• Q: Why was math book depressed?
A: It had nothing but probs
 
• Woman: One of your bees just stung me. I want you to do something about it.
Beekeeper: Certainly, Madam. Just show me which bee it was and I’ll have it punished
 
• Sign in wallpaper and paint store: “Husbands choosing colors must have note from wives
 
• Butt goes up to a policeman and asks, “Excuse me, officer, but did you know that my wife has had an affair?”
The policeman, surprised, “No! I didn’t know”
Butt breathed deeply, exclaiming, “So I’m not the last one to know after all”
 
• While filling out an employment application, Bhatti paused over the question, “Person to notify in case of an accident.”
After some thought, he finally wrote, “Anybody in sight”
 
• Bhatti is driving down a road and sees a sign that says, “Watch for Fallen Rocks.”
A few kilometres later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks them up.
When he gets to the next town, he carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office and puts them on the counter.
“Here are your fallen rocks,” he says to the man behind the counter. “Now where is my watch?”
 
• Jeeto: You say I look old but people still praise me.
Bhatti: It must be Butt.
Jeeto: How do you know?
Bhatti: He is a SCRAP DEALER
 
• Patient: Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me
Doc: Next please
 
• Women are like computers…
as soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model

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