One of my friend

• One of my friend has named his 3 kids NC, MC and ABC!
I asked why, he said: 1st Natural Curiosity, 2nd Mutual Consent & 3rd Absolute Bloody Carelessness.
 
• Man pays Rs 1000 to a prostitute, but she runs away. He chases but fails.
He puts a notice: If anyone finds sexy gal in white top and red skirt fuck her. Its PRE-PAID
 
• Banta and his shapely date were parked under a romantic moon. Placing his hand on her thigh, he whispered, “I love you.”
With a deep sigh, the girl replied, “A little higher.”
“I love you,” came the higher-pitched reply.
 
• A naked woman gets into a taxi. A cab driver looks at her stupefied.
What’s up. Havn’t you ever seen a naked woman?
No. I’m just wondering where you suppose to take the money from.
 
• Q: What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?
A: My zipper!
 
• Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It Gets, Forest Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio.
 
• Santa’s son: Papa tusi papa kis tarah baney?

Santa: Puttar pa pa ke.
 
• A blonde, suffering from sore throat, goes to see the doctor. He asks her to sit down.
He gets out his torch and says, “Open wide.”
“I can’t, the chair’s fitted with arms.”
 
• If you feel stressed out, try to have SEX. It helps you to relax. Do you know how to have SEX?
Let me teach you
S = Sleep
E = Eat
X = Exercise!
Dont think dirty
 
• Director commands during shooting a porn film:
LIGHTS
CAMERA
MUSIC
ERECTION (ACTION)
 
• An old man married a young girl. On their wedding night, he showed five fingers to his young wife.
Young girl: ” 5 times!?!”
Old man: “No dear, choose which one do you prefer to start with?”
 
• Mother was scolding the daughter, “I don’t like the guy you are going out with. He is too dumb.”
“No, mamma,” she said, “He is going to be a doctor and he has already cured me of that illness that I used to have every month.”
 
• Q: What’s the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.
 
• What’s common between the Sun & women’s underwear?
1) Both are hot
2) Both look better while going down
3) Both disappear by night
 
• Q: What’s the similarity between a lady and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet and tight in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later.
 
• A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words ‘sex’ and ‘love.’
The woman wrote, “When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptable for them to engage in sex.”
And Bob wrote, “I love sex.”
 
• Q: Why did the blond have lipstick on her steering wheel?
A: She tried to blow the horn.
 
• Q: Why does a blond wear a tight skirt?
A: To keep here legs closed.
 
• “It was just a simple misunderstanding,” testified the man charged with indecent exposure.
“Explain that statement!” demanded the judge.
“Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman, so I showed her.”
 
• Your Name?
Abu Dalah Sarafi.
Sex?
Four times a week.
No, no, no male or female?
Male, female… sometimes camel.
 
• Santa was in his apartment wearing only the slips. Jeeto said, “Dress up, guests must be coming every moment.”
“Let them see me this way, so they know how you feed me.”
“Then take off also the slips, so they may tell me what for should I feed you.”
 
• A pussy-cat says to a tom-cat:
Let’s play hide’n’seek. If you find me, you may screw me, if not, I’m in the wardrobe!
 
• BEEP…
You have reached the Breast Self-Examination Hotline.
Press one to continue. (pause)
Now, press the other one.
BEEP…
 
• Q: What does a hen think when a cock runs after her?
A: She thinks, “I hope I’m running not too fast.”
 
• Two flowers:
I love you, darling!!!
I love you, too!!!
I want you so much!!! Where the fuck are those darned bees?
 
• “WOW!” – said gynaecologist.
“WOW!!!” – answered him the echo.
 
• Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to keep the milk fresh?
 
• A blonde walked into a hardware store, picked up the hinges she was looking for, and went to go pay for them.
The clerk asked her, “Need a screw for those hinges?”
“No, but how about a blow job for the shovel in the back?”
 
• A lady goes to a dentist,she sits on the chair & starts taking off her clothes.
Dentist: Err..mam I’am not a gynaecologist.
Lady, I know, I just want you to remove my husband’s denture.
 
• A SSC class is told to draw a woman’s reproductive system. One girl is so shy she’s facing down.
A boy YELLS: Sir, she’s copying from the originals.
 
• Little Johnny is playing in the street one day when this stranger pulls up in his car.
The stranger, “Psssssst! Hey kid!”
“Yeah?”
Stranger, “I’ll give a piece of candy to come in my car.”
Little Johnny, “Give me the whole damn bag and I’ll come in your mouth!”
 
• Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind?
Husband: That you are a lesbian.
 
• A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman, “Do you know what your asshole does when you’re having an orgasm?”
“Sure” she said. “He’s at home, taking care of the kids.
 
• The prayer of a Catholic girl, “Oh Virgin Mother, thou who did conceive without sinning, teach me to sin without conceiving.”
 
• The doctor was surprised to find old man Jones sitting on the bed holding up his middle finger and sticking out his tongue. He walked over to the nurse.
“Excuse me,” said the doctor, “but why is Mr. Jones sitting like that?”
“I told him you were going to examine his sexual organs.”
 
• Son: What’s the difference between Love, relief and belief ?
Father: Your mom is love, your maid is my relief and I’m your Dad- well that’s my belief.
 
• A man calls in sick, telling his boss, “I have rectal glaucoma.”
“What’s that?” asks the boss.
The man says, “I just can’t see my ass coming in to work today.”
 
• The boss went up to the bartender and asked, “Have you been fooling around with the waitress?”
“Oh no, sir, I sure haven’t,” replied the bartender.
The boss replied, “Good, then you fire her!”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: