Political language

• Political language is designed to make lies sound useful and murder respectable.
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• Never confuse endurance with hospitality.
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• Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
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• Men who don’t understand women at all, by & large, fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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• Excellence is an option that is renewable.
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• Mental floss prevents truth decay.
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• Hard work must have killed someone!
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• I keep trying to lose weight but it always finds me.
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• If u can’t change your circumstances, change your attitude!
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• It’s not how old you are, but how you are old.
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• The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
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• All saints have past and all sinners have a future.
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• I had a life once. Now I have a computer and a modem.
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• Thesaurus: An ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
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• The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm
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• The hangover you get the morning after comes from not using your head the night before.
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• May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
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• He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.
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• Permitting your life to be taken over by another person is like letting the waiter eat your dinner.
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• Life is tough but it’s tougher when you’re stupid.
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• I can stand anything but a succession of ordinary days.
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• Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
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• A henpecked husband is a domestic animal trained to wash up and dry up, but never to act up.
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• Be modest and be proud of it.
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• In youth, the absence of pleasure is a pain; but in old age, the absence of pain is pleasure.
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• Not many people realize just how well known I am.
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• Ninety percent of the people in any group think they’re in the top ten percent.
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• I’ve got to sit down and work out where I stand.
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• If at first you don’t succeed, put it out for beta testing.
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• You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
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• Murder is a crime, describing murder is not. Sex is not a crime, describing sex is.
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• Never start a project until you’ve picked out someone to blame.
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• The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful….
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• I support everyone’s right to be an idiot. I may need it myself someday.
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• Anyone who thinks that he is too small to make a difference, has never been in bed with a mosquito.
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• Only 20% boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
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• Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall never be unemployed.
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• There’s a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it’s not a fence.
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• A kiss is a contraction of the mouth due to an enlargement of the heart.
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• Conserve energy!! Fart in a jar!
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• Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.
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• Try a little kindness. As little as possible.
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• Those who do not follow are dragged.
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• Those who do not learn from history often end up making it.
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• A taxi driver is a man who drives away customers.
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• A girl’s best asset is her Lie’ability.
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• He who looks too far ahead stumbles over his own boots.
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• A man who finds it painful to smile should not open a shop.
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• You may not get what you pay for, but you always pay for what you get.
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• You’ve one mouth and two ears, use them in that proportion.
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• Did you know that if you maintain a cholesterol-free diet, your body makes its own cholesterol?
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• The gap between theory and practice is filled with apology.
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• In a mad world, only greater madness succeeds.
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• Forever is not a word rather a place where two lovers go when true love takes them there.
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• The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
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• Men are like small children. You bring a new one home and the ones already there resent it.
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• Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
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• Bad weather forecasts are more often right than good ones.
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• He is dark and handsome. When it’s dark, he’s handsome.
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• Killing time murders opportunities.
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• A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
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• A mistake is simply another way of doing things.

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