The best way

• The best way to save face is to keep the lower half closed.
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• Less of a good thing is sometimes better – ask anyone on a diet.
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• You’ve one mouth and two ears…use them in that proportion.
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• Your freedom to swing your arm ends where my nose begins.
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• When there is no danger in fighting, there is no glory in winning.
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• Never underestimate the power of stupidity.
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• No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
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• No matter how bad your kid is, he’s still good for a tax exemption.
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• Sympathy is what you give a relative when you don’t want to lend him cash.
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• Never question your wife’s judgement…look whom she married
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• Rumors are the sauce of a dry life.
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• Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
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• It’s not an attitude, it’s the way I am.
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• Life’s a bitch. But, then, consider the alternative.
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• Every Titanic has its iceberg.
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• A day is a miniature eternity.
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• The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
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• The less we know, the more we suspect.
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• If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.
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• Good things may come to those who wait, but all the really excellent stuff will be gone by then
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• Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
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• The way things are going, I want to come back as a cockroach.
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• Luck, it is said, dislikes working double shifts.
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• A picture’s worth a thousand words. A pornographic picture, twice that.
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• Anyone can handle a crisis. It’s everyday living that kills you.
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• Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
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• Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.
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• Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
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• Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold.
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• If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.
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• Perception rules the world. If you don’t believe me, I’m wrong.

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