There is no truth

• There is no truth in the rumor that man is immortal.
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• Anyone in good enough condition to run three miles a day is in good enough condition not to have to.
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• People say that love is in every corner of the world. I must be walking in circles!
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• Govt corruption seems always to be reported in the past tense
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• We made too many wrong mistakes.
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• God can’t alter history, so he created historians.
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• Civil servants are neither civil nor servile.
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• Always address your elders with respect; they could leave you a fortune
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• Enthusiasm wanes, but dullness lasts forever.
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• Frustration is not having anyone else to blame but one’s self.
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• God has Alzheimer’s disease; he’s forgotten that we exist.
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• Anyone can handle a crisis. It’s everyday living that kills you.
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• Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work
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• For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe
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• By the time most of us have money to burn, our fire’s gone out.
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• Even if you aren’t paranoid it doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
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• Every decent man should be ashamed of his government.
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• Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.
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• He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
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• The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.
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• A leader is a dealer in hope.
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• The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.
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• There’s no gift like the present.
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• I’m not a snob. I’m just better than you are.
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• The difference between fiction & reality?
Fiction has to make sense.
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• If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.
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• Infinite patience brings immediate results.
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• We make war that we may live in peace.
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• Patience is not much about waiting… It is more about how one behaves while waiting!
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• It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.
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• Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
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• Coffee, chocolate, men; some things are just better rich.
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• I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
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• Money isn’t everything, but it keeps the kids in touch!
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• It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
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• It’s not enough to succeed; others must fail.
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• After all is said and done, the politicians say it and the taxpayers do it.
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• Don’t upset me; I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
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• The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
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• Life goes by so fast, that if you don’t stop and look around, you might miss it.
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• There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
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• You really can’t beat the game. If you earn anything, it’s minus taxes. If you buy anything it’s plus taxes.
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• Sex is like your income… You never disclose what you get, but you always think others are getting more!
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• While in bed after few years of marriage, husband & wife’s hips meet each other more often than Lips.
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• Success is when ur Signature becomes an Autograph.
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• Vodka doesn’t solve any of LIFE’s problem but neither does milk.
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• God gives every bird it’s food, but HE does not throw it into it’s nest!
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• I’d rather lose a second in my life than my life in a second.
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• U can’t win a woman just the once & be done with it; you have to humiliate yourself again & again.
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• A political promise today means another tax tomorrow.
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• Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going.
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• Fame is temporary, but infamy lasts forever.
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• Magic users have crystal balls.
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• Great leaders are rare, so I’m following myself.
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• A dirty book is rarely dusty.
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• McDonalds – when you don’t have time for nutrition.
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• Income tax is the fine you pay for thriving so fast.
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• The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.
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• Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
 v
• The key to flexibility is indecision.
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• Luxury is a necessity that begins where necessity ends.
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• The guy who said that truth never hurts never had to fill out a IT Return Form
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• After a man pays his income tax, he knows how a cow feels after she’s been milked.
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• Mondays are the potholes in the road of life.
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• Man is a social animal who dislikes his fellow beings.
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• Love means having to say you’re sorry every five minutes.
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• Life’s a bitch, and then you marry one.
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• Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear
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• Freedom is never free.
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• Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
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• Life is just a continuous process of getting used to things you didn’t expect.
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• Half the fun of being alive is not knowing what tomorrow will bring. The other half is pretending you don’t care.
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• Life without bears would be unbearable.
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• Money isn’t everything but it’s way ahead of whatever’s in second place.
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• My doctor comes in every morning to feel my purse.
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• Never yell, “Hi, Jack!” on an airplane.
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• Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man…!!
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• All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
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• Love is a word made up of two vowels, two consonants and two fools.
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• Live every day as if it were your last and some day you’ll be right.
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• Dream until your dreams come true.
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• Our government really takes care of us. They even give us free income tax forms.
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• A cheerleader is an athletic supporter.
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• You should learn to be assertive, but not with me.
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• The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.
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• Nobody listens unless you swear every other word.
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• A free society is one where it’s safe to be unpopular.
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• An optimist is someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.
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• Among animals, it’s eat or be eaten. Among people, it’s define or be defined.
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• A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
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• He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm.
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• Can’t learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly!
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• Never forget that Mother In Law is an anagram of Woman Hitler.
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• Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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• Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

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