• Q: What does PMS stand for?
A: Penis Must Suffer
• Dentist didnt get erection on wedding night so he used finger. Wife: What’s this?
Nothing honey, just a temporary filling.
• I’ve invented a fly spray that doesn’t kill flies; it makes them so sexually active, you can swat two at a time.
• If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
And if it bursts in a man’s underwear?
• Old chinese proverb says: Man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok.
• Doctor: Ur knees all blistered?
Lady: Coz of doggy style!
Doctor: Cant u do it any other style?
Lady: Oh, I can, but the dog can’t!
• Wife, stark naked, stands on her head in bed.
Husband: What the hell are you doing?
Wife: I figured if you can’t get it up, you could surely drop it in.
• What’s the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.
• Sometimes I call my husband ‘Q’,” the wife told her friend.
Her friend asked: Why’s that? Is he some kinda superguy like that man on Star Trek?
No, he’s a big fat zero with a little dick hangin’ down.
• Two women were having lunch together and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman: I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job.
The second woman: Oh that’s nothing, I’m thinking of having my asshole bleached!
To which the first replies: Wow! I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde!
• A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from 1-14, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion.
“When did he leave you?” the judge asked.
“Thirteen years ago,” the tired mother replied.
The judge was confused. “Well, if he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?”
“Well,” said the woman, “he kept coming back to say he was sorry.”
• Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.
• The Five Sizes of Penises: 1. Small, 2. Medium, 3. Large, 4. Oh My God!, and 5. Is that available in white?
• Man gives blood to save his girlfriends life. Later on they split up and man wants blood back. She throws a used tampon at him and says: Pay you monthly, you bastard!
• Ladies Hostel Caught Fire… It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control…and 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.
• One car salesmen complained to the other, “Business sucks. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking ass.”
Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.
“That’s okay,” the blonde replied, “If I don’t sell more ass this month, I’m going to lose my fucking car.”
• Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls’ bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes?
• Q: How do we know men invented maps?
A: Who else would turn an inch into a mile!
• 3 men sitting in a cafe, all wanking.
Waitress: What the fuck are you all doing?
One points to a sign that reads: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!
• Husband: I fancy kinky sex, how about I cum in your ear?
Wife: No, I might go deaf!
Husband: I have been cumin in ur mouth for 15 years & ur still fuckin talking.
• Little gypsy girl: Which way do my knickers go?
Her Mom: How many fucking more times do I have to tell you yellow to the front & brown to the back!
• Tarzan and Jane came to New York and were being interviewed.
A reporter said: Tarzan, what is your wife’s name?
Tarzan replied: Jane.
The reporter then said: No, what is her whole name?
Tarzan answered: Pussy.
• Name the 5 great kings that have brought happiness in peoples lives? DrinKING,
• Women are like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you.
• A man meets a lady at a bar and says: Hi, what’ ur name?
She replies: Carman, coz I like cars & I like men, what’s urs?
Man replies: Beer cunt!
• Banana and a vibrator sitting on a bedside table. Banana turns 2 vibrator I don’t know why you are fuckin shaking, she’s goin 2 eat me!
• Customer: Excuse me, but how can this tiny little hand bag cost so much?
Cashier: It`s made of foreskin madam, when u lick it, it becomes a suit case!
• After great sex, she lies there stroking his penis.
He asks: Do you want more sex?
She says: No. Just admiring your penis. I used to have one just like it.
• A gal tells her Doctor: I’ve got a bad discharge.
He fingers her & says how’s it feel?
Gal: Very nice, but the discharge is in my ear.
• The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating, but only 10% enters the female, and you wondered why the sea tasted so Fu*kin salty!
• A lady walks into the dentist’s office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open.
“You must have made a mistake,” says the shocked dentist, “The gynecologist’s office is one level higher.”
To that the lady replies, “No mistake, you installed my husband’s dentures last week, now you’ll be the one getting them out.”
• These two fags were doing what comes unnaturally when they were disturbed by a policeman.
They ran and hid in an alley. The policeman searched and eventually found one of them.
He told him, “when I catch your boyfriend I’m going to shove this nightstick right up his ass.”
Just then a voice from a nearby dustbin called, “I’m over here officer!”
• A man walked briskly into the drug store, went over to the pharmacist and said: I would like a box of Sex-Lax.
The pharmacist smiled and replied: You must mean Ex-Lax.
“No,” the man responded: I don’t have any trouble going.
• A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it.
A boy handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, “My mom says I can take the course as long as there’s no homework.”
• What’s the diff between hook in cricket and hook of bra.
One sends ball out of boundary and other keeps balls within the boundary.
• “It was just a simple misunderstanding, your honor,” testified the man charged with indecent exposure.
“Explain that statement!” demanded the judge.
“Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman, so I showed her.”
• The boss went up to the bartender and asked, “Have you been fooling around with the waitress?”
“Oh no, sir, I sure haven’t,” replied the bartender.
The boss replied, “Good, then you fire her!”
• An eight-year-old kid swaggered into the lounge and demanded of the barmaid, “Give me a double Scotch on the rocks.”
“What do you want to do, get me in trouble?” the barmaid asked.
“Maybe later,” the kid said. “Right now, I just want the Scotch.”
• Q: If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?
A: Tunnel vision.
• Sex is good, sex is fine. Doggy style or 69. Just 4 fun or getting paid, everyone loves getting laid. So if u want me in the sack, lick ur lips n text me back.
• One day the PENIS tells the balls: Tonight v r goin for a party!
The balls reply: U bloody fuckin liar, u always get inside while v r left outside!
• ‘Great, just what I need,’ she moaned as he brought home a new microwave oven. ‘One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.’
• Q: If a married woman is called Polo… The mint with a hole, then what’s an unmarried woman called?
A: Center Fresh.
• To avoid condom related accident use 2 condoms with chilli powder in between them if outer breaks she will know and if inner one breaks you will know!
• Mother: Do u know the meaning of Mangalsutra?
Daughter: Yes, it is the license to enjoy Kamasutra.
• A Survey Report: 65% of all women carry condoms. The other 35% carry babies.
• Q: What is the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A: A fridge does not moan when there is meat inside.
• Q: Why does a woman have two pair of lips?
A: One is for fighting and one is to make up.