• Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!
• Q: What do you call Bhatti’s helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
• Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Bhatti Claus?
• Q: What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
A: Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
• Q: What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A: A porcupine.
• A tourist from the city was visiting a quaint country village, and got talking to an old man in the local pub.
“And have you lived here all your life, sir?” asked the tourist.
And the old man, with a wise look, said, “Not yet.”
• The prospective father-in-law asked, “Young man, can you support a family?”
The surprised groom-to-be replied, “Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves.”
• During a sermon our pastor stated that money wasn’t important in the afterlife, because in heaven, there is no money.
I overheard a poor kid whisper to his mother, “Did you hear that, Mom? We’re already in heaven.”
• A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?”
He answered, “No.”
The next question, intended for people who had answered “yes” in the last question, was “Why?”
The lawyer answered it anyway: “Never got caught.”
• A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled.
“Now, young man,” asked the dentist, “what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?”
“Chocolate, please,” replied the youngster.
• A guy walks into a bar and notices three men and a dog playing poker. The dog is playing beautifully. “Thats a smart dog,” the man says.
“Not really,” says one of the players. “Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.”
• At a hospital looking through the window at the newly arrived babies a father says, “Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn’t she adorable?”
His friend says, “But your kid didn’t smile.”
The father replies, “I was talking about the nurse”
• “Doctor, Doctor, You’ve got to help me – I just can’t stop my hands shaking!”
“Do you drink a lot?”
“Not really – I spill most of it!”
• A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, “Can I park here?”
“No,” says the cop.
“What about all these other cars?”
“They didn’t ask”
• One day this black guy walks into a bar with this exotic, colorful parrot on his shoulder.
The man orders a beer and bartender asks, “Wow. That incredible. Were did you get him?”
And the parrot cocks his head back and says, “Africa man, Africa! Their all over the place!”
• Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion
• Waiter, what is this stuff?
That’s bean salad sir.
I know what it’s been, but what is it now?
• Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: You are too young to smoke
• Q: Why do Farts stink?
A: So that Deaf people can enjoy them too
• After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. However, the first man to arrive was a total stranger.
“You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board,” said the minister.
“I know,” said the man, “but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, I’d like to meet him”
• Q. What’s the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
A. The ones in the casinos are serious
• Two programmers walk along the street. The first says to another one, ” Listen, people say that the software for a new american invisible plane, “Stealth-2″ will be worked out by Microsoft”
The secondm, ” I think it is connected with the fact that a new plane must know how to hang up in the air ”
• “Honey, when we get married, I’ll be there to share all your troubles and sorrows.”
“But I don’t have any, my love.”
“I said, when we get married”
• Women are confusing…
Before marriage they expect a man, after marriage they suspect a man, after he dies they respect the man
• Q: Why do men pass gas more than women do?
A: Because women would not shut up long enough to build up pressure
• Life Insurance Agent:
Don’t let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think
• 1st thief, “Police! Quick! jump out of the window!”
2nd thief, “But this is the 13th floor”
1st: “Hurry! This is no time to be superstitious”
• Bhatti stepped on one of those scales that tell fortune and weight, and dropped in a coin.
“Listen,” he said to Jeeto, showing her a small, white card, “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a great husband.”
Jeeto, “And it has your weight wrong, too”