Archive for One Liner Sms

Each day is a drive through history

• Each day is a drive through history.
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• Early to bed, early to rise, your girl goes out with other guys.
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• Doing nothing is the hardest work of all. No breaks, no days off.
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• My wife found a way to save her money: she spends mine.
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• My wife divorced me because of illness. She got sick of me.
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• Don’t diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.
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• There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.
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• Every fool finds a greater one to admire them.
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• Many of us have excellent aim in life, but no ammunition.
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• A person forgives only when she is in the wrong.
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• A messy kitchen is the sign of a sexy woman.
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• Donate money. Support my fight against materialism.
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• Don’t quit until you find someone to blame.
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• Don’t be pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.
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• A husband is a man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.
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• Doctors wear gloves so they don’t leave fingerprints!
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• Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
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• Don’t lend people money, it gives them amnesia.
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• You’re not the only one who thinks I don’t know what I’m doing.
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• A married man can do anything he likes if his wife don’t mind.
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• A penny saved is bound to be taxed.
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• Most women are not as young as they are painted.
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• The suicidal part of me will never die.
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• May you live all the days of your life.
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• May we kiss those we please and please those we kiss.
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• Marriage: A way of being informed of all your faults.
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• Most of the love triangles today are turning into wrecktangles!
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• Money is great, but you waste alot of time making it.
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• Marriage: A banquet where dessert is served first.
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• Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
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• Freedom defined is freedom denied.
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• An engagement is a period of urge on the verge of a merge.
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• Men have an inborn talent for recognizing women from behind.
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• A friend is anyone who isn’t trying to sell you something.
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• Youth looks Ahead; Old age looks Back; and Middle age looks Tired
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• I can’t wait to learn patience.
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• May you never grow so old that farts aren’t funny anymore.
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• I’m too smart for egotism.
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• The funny thing about miracles is that they never happen the way you plan them.
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• A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.
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• It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.
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• Just because it pays well doesn’t mean it’s a good job.
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• The world is grouped into winners and whiners.
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• What we need are less needs.
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• The world is too crowded for cloning. What we need is technology for fusing.
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• A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
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• Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
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• Very few things upset my wife. It makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
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• Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least.
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• A man once claimed nothing was true; but he was lying.
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• Reputation is another kind of prison
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• It is important to stay cool, but be sure to not get frostbite.
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• A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.
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• A bore is a man who, when asked how he is, tells you.
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• I’ve got my own lie detector at home. I call her ‘honey’.
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• A joke never gains an enemy, but often loses a friend.
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• The fart is nature’s contribution to humor.
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• Smile, it’s our only defense against gravity.
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• A girl can be poor in history but great on dates!
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• Insomnia is a nightmare
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• History teaches us about the future.
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• A man’s a man all his life, a woman’s sexy until she’s your wife.
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• God speaks to us in hunches
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• A man should live forever, or die trying.
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• Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
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• Let’s just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
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• In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
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• Most men don’t know how to act around cleavage.
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• Insomnia is a nightmare.
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• Life is full of undocumented features!
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• Life is a math class: solve one problem, get another.
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• Exceptions always outnumber rules.
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• Some suffer from the memory of things that never happened.
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• Men should be able to pee on the street like the dogs they are.

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Henpecked

• Henpecked: A sterile husband afraid to tell his pregnant wife.
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• They wouldn’t call it a crush if it didn’t hurt.
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• I’m going to start thinking positive, but I know it won’t work.
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• Kiss me twice I’m schizophrenic.
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• The Christmas spirit is not what you drink.
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• The trouble with being a good sport is that you have to lose to prove it.
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• Some people are in debt because they spend what their friends think they make.
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• My marriage is made of trust & understanding; She doesn’t trust me & I don’t understand her!
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• Being bored is an insult to yourself.
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• I can handle pain until it hurts.
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• My income seems to be the only thing I can’t live without or within.
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• It’s been a lifetime struggle for me to stop spending my lifetime struggling.
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• Sex is a killer…want to die happy?
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• Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker.
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• You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.
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• I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
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• 90% of being smart is knowing what you’re dumb at.
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• I disclaim my disclaimer!
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• Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.
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• Be God or let God.
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• Eternity is a terrible thought, where will it all end.
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• Crime is merely politics without the excuses.
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• Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen
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• I bet you I could stop gambling.
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• Love is photogenic, it needs darkness to develop.
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• Eternity is a terrible thought, where’ll it all end.
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• My son has taken up meditation, at least it’s better than sitting doing nothing.
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• I distinctly remember forgetting that.
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• We will continue having meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done.
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• Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future.
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• I’m an atheist! I swear to God I am!
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• Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
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• Don’t just learn the tricks of the trade. Learn the trade.
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• I used to think I could pass gas silently until I got my hearing aid.
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• If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.
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• Got kleptomania? Take something for it.
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• If you can’t read this, you’re illiterate!
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• Humor is to life what shock absorbers are to an automobile.
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• Anything worth doing is worth getting someone else to do.
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• God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins.
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• People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
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• My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
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• It’s been a business doing pleasure with you.
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• He who laughs, lasts.
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• Ur secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
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• If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.
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• Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease.
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• Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future
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• Crime does not pay as well as politics.
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• Ability is a gud thing but stability is even better.
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• Being popular is important, otherwise people might not like U.
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• The man who says he’s boss at home is lying, single or just plain stupid.
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• It’s not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
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• Know thyself — but don’t tell anyone.
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• You simply must stop taking other people’s advice.
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• Women aren’t that bad, but wives…!
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• Your lucky number is 6478389077163. Watch for it everywhere.
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• If I wanted to hear from an ass, I would fart.
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• Nobody ever goes there, it’s too crowded.
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• A good scare is worth more than good advice.
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• I’ve never had premonitions, but I think one day I might.
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• I’m a killer, I kill people for money, but you are my friend I KILL YOU FOR FREE !!
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• We do precision guesswork.
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• Automatic simply means that you can’t repair it yourself.
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• Have a nice day… somewhere else
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• Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
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• Most people like hard work. Particularly when they are paying for it.
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• Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.
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• Prejudice can save lots of time, because you can form an opinion without any facts.
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• No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.
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• Coffee, chocolate, men… some things are just better rich.
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• Some people think they are generous coz they give away free advice
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• The govt is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding govt.
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• Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
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• Political language is designed to make lies sound useful and murder respectable.
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• The trouble with being the boss is that there’s no satisfaction in stealing office supplies.
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• I just got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.
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• Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.
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• Almost every man wastes part of his life attempting to display qualities which he does not possess
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• If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
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• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
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• Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
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• Don’t lie, cheat or steal…unnecessarily.
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• To avoid duplication, make three copies.

A critic is a man

• A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.
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• Falling hurts least to those who fly low and slow.
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• Faithful Husband: One whose alimony check is always on time
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• A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
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• No one is unemployed who minds his own business.
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• A kiss without a hug is like a flower without the fragrance.
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• Be nice to smokers. They don’t have long to live.
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• It’s ok to wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime have some fun with the wrong ones.
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• Never vote for a politician. It only encourages them.
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• Education is the progressive discovery of ignorance.
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• Even water tastes bad when taken on doctor’s orders.
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• A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.
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• The good news is that the bad news is not much worse than usual.
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• Be satisfied with what you have, but never with who you are.
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• Ever dreamed that you were awake… and were TIRED the next day?
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• Any bad habit is easier to maintain than the corresponding good habit.
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• Even the best of friends cannot attend each other’s funeral.
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• Debt is one way of proving that it’s possible to have less than nothing.
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• Don’t hide ur head in the sand unless u have feathers on ur butt.
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• Love is man’s illusion, that one woman differs from another.
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• A free lunch is only found in mousetraps.
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• A husband is a man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.
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• A bug is a feature that didn’t make it into the manual.
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• A nudist is one who suffers from clothestrophobia.
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• A lot of people work but their minds are unemployed.
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• A barking dog never bites… while he’s barking.
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• A leader is best when people barely know that he exists.
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• A bad day at home is better than a good day at work.
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• A fool wants to be king. A wise man wonders if he can handle the job.
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• To be content with little is hard; to be content with much is impossible.
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• Good Morning is a contradiction in terms.
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• Friendship is not collection of hearts, but it is selection of hearts!
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• Those who do not have goals are doomed to work for those who do.
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• What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
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• Make your life a mission, not an intermission.
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• An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.
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• Experience is the pleasure that a vivid imagination lacks!
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• Crisis management works beautifully until an actual crisis occurs.
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• Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.
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• A scholar is he who doesn’t repeat his mistakes but rather makes new ones.
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• A leader is one who knows where he wants to go, and gets up and goes.
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• A woman is a person who reaches for a chair when the phone rings.
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• There’s always the temptation to let other people think you’re normal.
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• When you’re arguing with a fool, make sure he isn’t doing the same thing.
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• Things always look better when you can’t see them.
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• The will to win is worthless if you don’t get paid for it.
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• Things always look better when you can’t see them.
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• Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age.
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• Luck has a peculiar habit of favouring those who don’t depend on it.
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• There’s no virtue in consistency if you’re consistently wrong.
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• Every one hates me because I’m paranoid.
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• Teamwork: A lot of mindless idiots doing exactly what the boss says!
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• Working is a delight, so, leave enough work for your colleagues…!
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• A beautiful dress is useless unless it inspires someone to take it off !
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• Money may be the root of all evil, but greed is the fertilizer.
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• A bachelor is a man who is free to choose, and chooses to be free.
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• Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases.
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• It is taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything.
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• If you are not enjoying your work, you should either change your attitude, or change your job.
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• Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.
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• My aim in life is to die young when I’m very old.
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• Marriage is the hangover from the intoxication of passion.
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• I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
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• Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
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• A man should live forever, or die trying.
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• People who think they know everything are the easiest to fool.
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• Nobody notices what I do until I don’t do it.
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• I love my work, I could sit and watch it all day long.
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• Difficulty lies not in new ideas, but giving up the old ones.
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• God must love stupid people, he made so many of them.
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• The ladder of success is always missing a few rungs.
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• You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
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• When a wise man argues with a woman, he says nothing!
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• There is only one way to be happily married & when I find that, I shall get married!
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• A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.
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• Have the courage to act instead of react.
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• Laugh at ur problems; everybody else does.
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• Good manners are the lubricant of social intercourse
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• Skeptics scare away miracles.
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• Seven days without laughter makes one weak.
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• I am an optimistic pessimist.
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• Marriages are based on believing you won the arguments.
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• I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell that cannot.
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• When I gave her the ring, she gave me the finger!
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• Skeptics scare away miracles.
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• As long as I can remember, I’ve had amnesia.
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• Every man becomes a Freedom Fighter, immediately after marriage.
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• Democracy is voting for the candidate you dislike the least.
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• It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
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• Death: What some patients do in the end, to humiliate the doctor.
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• The height of injustice is having to pay for justice.
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• Taxation is little more than legalized extortion.
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• Death is all in the mind. Once you’re dead you forget all about it.
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• Better to create happiness than to pursue happiness.
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• Each day is a drive through history.

There is no truth

• There is no truth in the rumor that man is immortal.
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• Anyone in good enough condition to run three miles a day is in good enough condition not to have to.
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• People say that love is in every corner of the world. I must be walking in circles!
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• Govt corruption seems always to be reported in the past tense
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• We made too many wrong mistakes.
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• God can’t alter history, so he created historians.
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• Civil servants are neither civil nor servile.
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• Always address your elders with respect; they could leave you a fortune
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• Enthusiasm wanes, but dullness lasts forever.
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• Frustration is not having anyone else to blame but one’s self.
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• God has Alzheimer’s disease; he’s forgotten that we exist.
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• Anyone can handle a crisis. It’s everyday living that kills you.
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• Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work
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• For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe
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• By the time most of us have money to burn, our fire’s gone out.
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• Even if you aren’t paranoid it doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
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• Every decent man should be ashamed of his government.
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• Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.
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• He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
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• The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.
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• A leader is a dealer in hope.
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• The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.
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• There’s no gift like the present.
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• I’m not a snob. I’m just better than you are.
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• The difference between fiction & reality?
Fiction has to make sense.
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• If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.
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• Infinite patience brings immediate results.
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• We make war that we may live in peace.
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• Patience is not much about waiting… It is more about how one behaves while waiting!
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• It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.
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• Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
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• Coffee, chocolate, men; some things are just better rich.
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• I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
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• Money isn’t everything, but it keeps the kids in touch!
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• It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
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• It’s not enough to succeed; others must fail.
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• After all is said and done, the politicians say it and the taxpayers do it.
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• Don’t upset me; I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
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• The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
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• Life goes by so fast, that if you don’t stop and look around, you might miss it.
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• There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
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• You really can’t beat the game. If you earn anything, it’s minus taxes. If you buy anything it’s plus taxes.
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• Sex is like your income… You never disclose what you get, but you always think others are getting more!
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• While in bed after few years of marriage, husband & wife’s hips meet each other more often than Lips.
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• Success is when ur Signature becomes an Autograph.
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• Vodka doesn’t solve any of LIFE’s problem but neither does milk.
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• God gives every bird it’s food, but HE does not throw it into it’s nest!
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• I’d rather lose a second in my life than my life in a second.
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• U can’t win a woman just the once & be done with it; you have to humiliate yourself again & again.
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• A political promise today means another tax tomorrow.
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• Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going.
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• Fame is temporary, but infamy lasts forever.
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• Magic users have crystal balls.
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• Great leaders are rare, so I’m following myself.
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• A dirty book is rarely dusty.
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• McDonalds – when you don’t have time for nutrition.
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• Income tax is the fine you pay for thriving so fast.
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• The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.
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• Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
 v
• The key to flexibility is indecision.
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• Luxury is a necessity that begins where necessity ends.
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• The guy who said that truth never hurts never had to fill out a IT Return Form
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• After a man pays his income tax, he knows how a cow feels after she’s been milked.
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• Mondays are the potholes in the road of life.
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• Man is a social animal who dislikes his fellow beings.
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• Love means having to say you’re sorry every five minutes.
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• Life’s a bitch, and then you marry one.
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• Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear
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• Freedom is never free.
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• Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
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• Life is just a continuous process of getting used to things you didn’t expect.
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• Half the fun of being alive is not knowing what tomorrow will bring. The other half is pretending you don’t care.
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• Life without bears would be unbearable.
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• Money isn’t everything but it’s way ahead of whatever’s in second place.
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• My doctor comes in every morning to feel my purse.
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• Never yell, “Hi, Jack!” on an airplane.
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• Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man…!!
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• All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
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• Love is a word made up of two vowels, two consonants and two fools.
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• Live every day as if it were your last and some day you’ll be right.
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• Dream until your dreams come true.
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• Our government really takes care of us. They even give us free income tax forms.
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• A cheerleader is an athletic supporter.
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• You should learn to be assertive, but not with me.
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• The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.
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• Nobody listens unless you swear every other word.
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• A free society is one where it’s safe to be unpopular.
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• An optimist is someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.
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• Among animals, it’s eat or be eaten. Among people, it’s define or be defined.
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• A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
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• He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm.
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• Can’t learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly!
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• Never forget that Mother In Law is an anagram of Woman Hitler.
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• Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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• Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Political language

• Political language is designed to make lies sound useful and murder respectable.
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• Never confuse endurance with hospitality.
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• Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
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• Men who don’t understand women at all, by & large, fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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• Excellence is an option that is renewable.
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• Mental floss prevents truth decay.
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• Hard work must have killed someone!
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• I keep trying to lose weight but it always finds me.
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• If u can’t change your circumstances, change your attitude!
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• It’s not how old you are, but how you are old.
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• The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
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• All saints have past and all sinners have a future.
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• I had a life once. Now I have a computer and a modem.
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• Thesaurus: An ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
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• The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm
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• The hangover you get the morning after comes from not using your head the night before.
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• May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
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• He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.
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• Permitting your life to be taken over by another person is like letting the waiter eat your dinner.
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• Life is tough but it’s tougher when you’re stupid.
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• I can stand anything but a succession of ordinary days.
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• Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
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• A henpecked husband is a domestic animal trained to wash up and dry up, but never to act up.
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• Be modest and be proud of it.
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• In youth, the absence of pleasure is a pain; but in old age, the absence of pain is pleasure.
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• Not many people realize just how well known I am.
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• Ninety percent of the people in any group think they’re in the top ten percent.
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• I’ve got to sit down and work out where I stand.
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• If at first you don’t succeed, put it out for beta testing.
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• You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
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• Murder is a crime, describing murder is not. Sex is not a crime, describing sex is.
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• Never start a project until you’ve picked out someone to blame.
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• The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful….
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• I support everyone’s right to be an idiot. I may need it myself someday.
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• Anyone who thinks that he is too small to make a difference, has never been in bed with a mosquito.
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• Only 20% boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
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• Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall never be unemployed.
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• There’s a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it’s not a fence.
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• A kiss is a contraction of the mouth due to an enlargement of the heart.
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• Conserve energy!! Fart in a jar!
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• Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.
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• Try a little kindness. As little as possible.
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• Those who do not follow are dragged.
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• Those who do not learn from history often end up making it.
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• A taxi driver is a man who drives away customers.
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• A girl’s best asset is her Lie’ability.
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• He who looks too far ahead stumbles over his own boots.
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• A man who finds it painful to smile should not open a shop.
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• You may not get what you pay for, but you always pay for what you get.
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• You’ve one mouth and two ears, use them in that proportion.
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• Did you know that if you maintain a cholesterol-free diet, your body makes its own cholesterol?
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• The gap between theory and practice is filled with apology.
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• In a mad world, only greater madness succeeds.
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• Forever is not a word rather a place where two lovers go when true love takes them there.
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• The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
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• Men are like small children. You bring a new one home and the ones already there resent it.
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• Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
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• Bad weather forecasts are more often right than good ones.
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• He is dark and handsome. When it’s dark, he’s handsome.
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• Killing time murders opportunities.
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• A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
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• A mistake is simply another way of doing things.

Without you

• Without you, everything means nothing.
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• Those that make the rules don’t play the game!
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• Some people aren’t officially angry until everyone knows about it.
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• Sometimes I like people; other times, they don’t agree with what I’m saying.
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• A politician is someone who makes no sense in a very convincing manner.
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• Men have an inborn talent for recognizing women from behind.
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• Men should be allowed to pee in public like the dogs they are.
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• Nutrients aren’t that bad so long as they are covered in chocolate.
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• The older I get, the more I believe we should respect the elderly.
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• A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.
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• Complaints defy physics: The more you have, the less they weigh.
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• Some girls can’t control the power of their cleavage.
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• A lot of good-looking faces are wasted on ugly people.
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• To understand politics, we must read between the lies.
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• Everyone thinks everyone else has money.
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• A friend in need is someone to avoid.
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• The nice thing about an antique is that if you crack it, it only increases the value.
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• Power means not having to respond.
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• Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time
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• Exam is a four-letter word for torture.
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• I’m only a dog because I’m faithful and loyal.
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• Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
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• Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
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• I know a man who says he’s going to invest his money in taxes – it’s the only sure thing to go up.
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• Stupidity is a personal achievement which transcends national boundaries.
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• Your problem is never really your problem, your reaction to your problem is your problem.
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• A bachelor lives like a king and dies like a beggar.
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• By the time you finish paying all your taxes, about all you have left is a receipt.
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• The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.
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• Sex isn’t over-rated — it’s over-analyzed.
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• Taxes are not designed to be fair, they’re designed to raise money.
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• Marriage brings out the animal in some men, usually the chicken.
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• Lips that touch liquor touch other lips quicker.
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• If I save time, when do I get it back?
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• Can I get directions to your heart, I’m kinda lost in ur eyes?
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• Life without you is like a broken pencil… there’s no point.
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• If your nose runs and your feet smell, you’re built up-side-down.
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• Some people fall in love. I had to crash into it.
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• I don’t mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch
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• Pain is weakness leaving the body.
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• I like acting stupid… It’s a talent of mine.
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• A small mind and a big mouth are usually found in the same place.
 —————————————————————————–
• Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
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• A Bachelor can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.
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• I said ‘perhaps’and that is final!
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• Work is the greatest thing in the world, so save some for tomorrow.
 —————————————————————————–
• Death only causes pain to those who don’t experience it.
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• Anybody who thinks talk is cheap never argued with a traffic cop.
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• Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
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• Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
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• We must become the change we want to see in the world.
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• First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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• Always and Never are two words to always remember never to use.
 —————————————————————————–
• A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.

The best way

• The best way to save face is to keep the lower half closed.
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• Less of a good thing is sometimes better – ask anyone on a diet.
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• You’ve one mouth and two ears…use them in that proportion.
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• Your freedom to swing your arm ends where my nose begins.
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• When there is no danger in fighting, there is no glory in winning.
 —————————————————————————–
• Never underestimate the power of stupidity.
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• No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
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• No matter how bad your kid is, he’s still good for a tax exemption.
 —————————————————————————–
• Sympathy is what you give a relative when you don’t want to lend him cash.
 —————————————————————————–
• Never question your wife’s judgement…look whom she married
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• Rumors are the sauce of a dry life.
 —————————————————————————–
• Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
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• It’s not an attitude, it’s the way I am.
 —————————————————————————–
• Life’s a bitch. But, then, consider the alternative.
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• Every Titanic has its iceberg.
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• A day is a miniature eternity.
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• The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
 —————————————————————————–
• The less we know, the more we suspect.
 —————————————————————————–
• If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.
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• Good things may come to those who wait, but all the really excellent stuff will be gone by then
 —————————————————————————–
• Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
 —————————————————————————–
• The way things are going, I want to come back as a cockroach.
 —————————————————————————–
• Luck, it is said, dislikes working double shifts.
 —————————————————————————–
• A picture’s worth a thousand words. A pornographic picture, twice that.
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• Anyone can handle a crisis. It’s everyday living that kills you.
 —————————————————————————–
• Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
 —————————————————————————–
• Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.
 —————————————————————————–
• Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
 —————————————————————————–
• Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold.
 —————————————————————————–
• If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.
 —————————————————————————–
• Perception rules the world. If you don’t believe me, I’m wrong.